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WHY?

There is a string of events that created us. The big bang followed by six billion years of cosmic evolution.(See Fig. 1 below) followed by 4 billion years to make the earth. That seems like a long time, but when you have forever it really doesn’t matter.

I think everyone should know the basic science underlying our existence. No scientist knows why it happened. Evangelicaals say they know that god made it happen, but god is just a name, not a cause. But I worry about god and the universe.

I had some unfortunate medical advice, take a benzodiazapam for 30 years to help you sleep (valium is one of the class). So I was on diazapam or lorazapam for over twenty years. The drug recommendation is no more than 30 days. The prescriber was head of psychophzrmacy at a local medical center.

Benzos have two downsides. They increase the risk of dimentia and if you are on them long enough since they are antiagziety medications they replace the antiangziety centers in your brain. I was given 30 days to taper off them. Three years later I am still tapering, but otherwise OK. Except for the 30 day taper which did not work.

The reason for this side trip is what happened after the 30 days.

I was flipping out, shaking, terrified that I might hurt someway and having the grand mal of anxiety attacks. So it was three nights in the psych ward. However, before I was taken to the psyc ward I spent the evening being evaluated while I did something part way between dreaming and haluccinating. This combination was far clearer than any dream. I floated in a black sky expect for stars in the distance and a man in blue light standing a few feet away. I felt pure terror but the worst part was that I started thinking that me and my terror could float forever, for infinite time, and I was just a body full of terror and I kept asking if this was a friendly universe and it would prevent this.

Is it a friendly universe? I ask this because I want to know why humanity was about to destroy its home. Why would the universe (or god) create a being that destroyed the planet where he or she was born?

The earth is an indescribeaably beautiful place. I spent 28 years photographing places that no one else ever photographed. 20,000 sheets of 4x5 film.

There are two classes of things most people do not know. The known science (there is much besides “why” that is missing. The science that explains the differenes between people. We are all Africans and share very similar genes since we all came from the same hunter-gatherer tribes. Our skin color is determined by our need for vitamin D. Less sun, lighter skin.

Gender? If you study the psychology of male vs female you know that any degree of male to female is possible and the various combos are not surprising and not harmful to anyone but themselves when they are rejected by the rest of us. I find it imossible to think about life without knowing what is known. Otherwise I might wander down some path that hurts people and that does not help a search for truth. Women, natural and transgender, deploy with men, pass boot camp with men and do their jobs like men.

This knowledge and much else is the bed on which I build my thinking. Could there be a god, perehaps very different from other gods? Sure. I just object to the “I just know” arguments.

Next: Reciprocity and Joy.

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