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FOREVER IN THE BACK OF MY MIND lies the question of questions: why are we doing this thing called living? It wasn't our choice. It may or may not have been a choice for mom and pop to do what needs to be done. And the outcome may have made them happy or not.

My own experience with our adopted son, Greg, is that there is no word to express my feelings toward him. Most parents know it. You can see it almost daily now (July 2018) in the cruel separation of parents and child on the Mexican border. I feel it every time I don't know where Greg is and he doesn't answer his phone.

But when I look him in the eye what I feel is Life, and I would do literally anything for him to have a joyful one. I suppose love is an answer but it doesn't seem to explain enough.

On the physics side of things (you knew this was coming) there has been a very long search for a "theory of everything," a theory that would unite the four fundamental forces (gravity, electromagnetism, the strong nuclear force and the weak nuclear foce). In physics that's it. Put them together and what have you got?

Well theory has joined all but gravity. Gravity works on a very large scale and the others on a very small scale. But as far as I am concerned there is a deeper problem. Just as sentience and consciousness have no explanation, not once have I read a physicist mention emotion, joy, Life (with a capital L) in their discussions of a theory of "everything."

SOMETHING IS WRONG. Despite my deep respect and love of science it is full of holes. What happened before t=0. Why did the singularity happen? Why is there something rather than nothing (thank you Jim Holt)? Why does my brain do what it does? Why did I work my ass off for 28 years exposing 20,000 sheets of film (see wawrzonek.com)? Why was it so satisfying? Why did I stop? Why have I played Chopin's B-flat minor Scherzo 5,000 times (give or take) although it will always remain mediocre.

And why do I feel that most of the people on this planet have no idea of where they and the earth came from, and why are we so stupid in the way we neglect it.

Why do people not realize that "god" is the name of a cause and not the cause? Why is there so little discussion of "the common good?" Why do some evangelicals justify their support of Donald Trump and his sins by the demonization of god, that by the grace of god he will be forgiven.

Why is the driving force for billionaires to become more billionairish? Why are the Koch brothers out trying hard to stop public transportation because they own so much automobile stock? Why do owners of companies that exploit the earth wreck it and not give a damn? Or even give a damn when it costs lives to wreck it? Why am I starting work on this web site most mornings at 4:30?

As in art, a poem does not replace a painting. And words do not replace life (although a poem or a Chopin sherzo might be essential parts as are love of my son and my wife).

The rest, as I used to read so often is left "as an exercise for the student."

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